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ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN 
1. What Obligations Do Marriage Partners The husband should be willing to sacrifice himself for the wife's good. If he loves her enough that he is willing to give himself for her, even as Jesus did for the church, then the wife will be willing to submit to his leadership. She will know that he is always looking out for her good and always willing to put her interests ahead of his. By the same token, a wife has the ability to make her husband the head of the household by urging him to take his proper role as priest in the home. She should encourage him to seek God, to find out what God is telling the family to do. She can build her husband up and, by being willing to submit, give him a sense of responsibility so that he will assume his proper role. The one who always insists on "rights" will destroy the marriage relationship. If the husband says to the wife, "You must obey me because the Bible says so," he is going to alienate her. At the same time, the wife who refuses to submit to the husband and fights him all the time will make him apprehensive about following the Lord. He will start thinking, What if I get a message from God? All I am going to get is opposition from my wife, so I might as well just follow my own desires and let her follow hers. Such attitudes will pull couples apart, whereas God's standards should draw them together. The husband who departs from God's laws, and insists that his wife do the same thing, has lost his mandate of authority. God did not give the husband a mandate to break His law, to abuse his wife, to become involved in bizarre sex practices, or to lead his wife into stealing or lying or cheating or drunkenness. But as long as the husband is following the mandate of the Lord, the wife should submit to his leadership, even though she may disagree with it. God's standard is true, yet in many marriages, the wife is more able than her husband. Regretfully, a woman with great abilities sometimes marries a man who does not have much ability. This wife must resist the temptation to dominate her husband. Her husband will sometimes make decisions that the wife feels are wrong. She must either gently persuade her husband that he is wrong, or else pray that God will change her husband's mind. A woman has voluntarily surrendered a portion of her autonomy to her husband when she marries. She must trust God that His way will work out. However, a husband who wants his wife to deny God, to engage in group sex, or to commit an act that is obviously against God's law has lost his authority. The wife's first allegiance is to Jesus Christ and she must follow Him. She cannot submit to what is unlawful or unnatural. It is important to remember that husbands and wives are partners. Someone has rightly pointed out that woman was taken from the side of man, not from his head or foot. She is not to dominate her husband, nor is she to be supine and let him walk over her as if she were a doormat. A husband and wife are to be partners in life and are to share a living relationship that acknowledges that the man is the head of the family as long as he is submitted to Christ. In summary, a person must dedicate the totality of his being to a self-giving love for God. Every aspect of his nature must focus on loving God. To illustrate, a person would break the great commandment if his spirit was partially centered on making money to the exclusion of God; or his mind was centered on high fashion, pride, or revenue; or his body was centered on gluttony, alcohol, or nicotine. God demands every bit of all of us! This is why no human being can satisfy the demands of God merely by going to church or observing external religious ceremonies. No one can say, "I am a good person." In fact, keeping God's commandments is impossible unless you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ fulfilled the great commandment perfectly, and He is the only human being ever to do so. Through His blood and His Spirit within us, we can live in a way that pleases God. On our own it is impossible.
2. What Does The Bible Say About Divorce Before God, marriage is a lifetime relationship that should never be severed by human action. In the book of Malachi, God says that He hates divorce (see Malachi 2:16). God's perfect will is the preservation of society and future generations by the preservation of marriages. God will give anyone great help in sustaining a marriage relationship or in the reconciliation of estranged marriage partners. In extreme cases, there are only two grounds for divorce and remarriage. When adultery has taken place, a divorce can be obtained, because adultery has already severed the marriage relationship and divorce is a formal acknowledgment of what has already taken place. The apostle Paul added to the teachings of Jesus what is called the "Pauline privilege." According to this concept, Paul taught that if an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, the believer is not bound to the marriage relationship, but is free to remarry (see I Corinthians 7:15). And some people recognize such a thing as a "constructive desertion," which would be when a husband so brutalizes his wife that it is impossible to live with him any longer; or when a wife has so harassed or brutalized her husband that it becomes impossible for him to stay with her. When that happens, whether or not the person actually moves out, the situation is the equivalent of desertion, and divorce and remarriage are permissible. Except for these reasons, there is no justification given in the Bible for divorce. No grounds exist for divorce on the basis of incompatibility, lack of love, or differing career goals. Frankly, it seems impossible that two born-again Christians who are dedicated to serving Jesus Christ can find any grounds for divorce. Obviously, when a person who does not have biblical grounds for divorce remarries, he or she is technically committing adultery. For an elaboration, read my answer to the next question.
3. What Should I Say To Two Believers God is on the side of people. He loves people, and He understands what has happened in such situations. But it is impossible for me to say that this conduct is all right. A minister of God must teach what is in the Bible; yet the teaching must be tempered with the biblical understanding of God's love. It is very difficult to make hard and fast rules. Does one, for example, tell a three-times-divorced man to go back to his previous mate? What if the previous mate is now remarried? Is it right to ask the remarried couple to make a second divorce and break up a second home? The basic rule is that divorce and remarriage are not permitted, except for adultery or desertion, and that is the rule the church should stick to. Young people should be made aware that marriage is for life--for keeps--and not something to be entered into and then gotten out of whenever one feels like it. However, given the appalling state of marriage in the modern world, I feel that the church should use its power of "binding and loosing" (see Matthew 16:19) to provide guidance in the way of forgiveness to divorced and remarried couples who have received Jesus Christ after their divorce. In other words, the church should (and I personally would) say that what happened in your past life is covered by the blood of Christ. Enjoy your present marriage and live in it to the glory of God without recrimination. However, for Christians who have divorced (after being born again) for reasons other than adultery or desertion, I believe they should either be reconciled to their Christian mates or remain unmarried. Finally, in these complex personal matters I recommend prayer, study of the Bible, and that you counsel with a wise and godly pastor in your own community. 4. Should A Christian Marry An Unbeliever? Absolutely not. The Bible says, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers ... What accord has Christ with Belial" (II Corinthians 6:14-15)? Billy Graham put it very succinctly a few years ago when he said that if you take an unbeliever for a mate you also get the devil for your father-in-law. Much heartache results when Christians marry unbelievers. Some Christians go ahead and marry unbelievers, thinking that they can convert them after marriage. But if God has really chosen that man or woman for you, He is perfectly capable of bringing that person to Himself before the marriage. If He does not do it, it is a good enough sign that this marriage is not what He wants for you. Christians need to learn to wait on the Lord, to wait for what is right. Anything short of that can prove to be a dreadful mistake.
5. If I Am Married To An Unbeliever,
6. Is Cruelty Grounds For Divorce? It depends. I do not think mental cruelty is grounds for divorce if mental cruelty concerns the way a mate twists the toothpaste tube or hangs stockings in the bathroom. That type of mental cruelty has been defined in so many different contexts it has no meaning.However, I do think physical brutality and abuse, and mental abuse of a nature that endangers the person's mind or body, are clearly grounds for divorce. The Pauline privilege (see I Corinthians 7:15), which I mentioned earlier, permits divorce on the grounds of desertion by an unbelieving spouse. For mental cruelty to be grounds for divorce, it must involve conduct which makes it impossible to live with the spouse without endangering oneself. The sort of cruelty I have in mind would not spring from a criticism of a souffle' or a brother-in-law. Minor irritations need loving attention, but should not be allowed to rupture a holy relationship. Obviously, a couple composed of two born-again Christians does not fall under the Pauline privilege. Divorce and remarriage for any reason are truly unthinkable for two people who sincerely love God and are trying to serve Him.
7. What Is The Difference Between The Ten Commandments contain the prohibition against adultery: "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14). The reason is simple: Marriage is the foundation of society, and with it comes the responsibility of child rearing. Casual sex outside marriage not only imperils marriage but also destroys the paternal or maternal feeling for the children of the marriage, and blurs the lines of inheritance and family, clan and tribal relationships. Fornication is sex between two unmarried people. The apostle Paul said this is a sin against the body. He commands Christians to flee fornication as a sin against self and God, for the believer's body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (see I Corinthians 6:18-19). Paul says that if a believer takes his body and joins it to a harlot (or someone who is immoral), he is joining Jesus Christ to that person (see I Corinthians 6:15-16). It is very important to understand that neither fornicators nor adulterers will enter the kingdom of heaven (see I Corinthians 6:9-10). In today's world, the term fornication is rarely used and immorality between unmarried people is commonly accepted as a lifestyle. But immorality, however commonplace, is a sin that will keep millions of people out of heaven, unless they repent.
8. Is Oral Sex OK? Oral sex is a type of sexual practice without the possibility of reproduction, and is one of the kinds of activity engaged in by homosexuals. Paul, in his letter to the Romans, speaks of women's exchanging "the natural use for what is against nature" (Romans 1:26). My personal feeling is that oral sex is "against nature" in that the sex act should be based on reproductive possibility and on a shared partnership. Neither partner should become an "object" for the gratification of the other.However, the Bible is not explicit on sex practices between married people. Although it says that the marriage bed is to be undefiled, it does not say what it means by this (see Hebrews 13:4). There are a number of practices of love and sexuality in marriages on which the Bible is silent. Therefore, it is difficult to pontificate and say, "Well, this is right and this is wrong." In undefined matters such as this, there is a biblical rule: "Whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). If one feels that oral sex is not from faith, then he should not do it. God has called us to holiness, not to sensuality. But the expression of physical and sexual love in marriage is good, holy, and God-given. Therefore, do not be afraid to ask God to direct you to those expression of sexuality that are acceptable in His sight.
9. Does The Bible Allow Sex For Pleasure? There are some religious people who feel that the only reason for sex is reproduction. Others believe that there are higher reasons for sex: The ultimate joining together of a man and woman--the joining together of two spirits; the joining together of two minds; and the joining together of two bodies. In the Old Testament the term for sexual intercourse was "to know" (a husband or wife). The most intimate knowledge of marriage partners comes about through these three joinings in a Christian marriage. This is why Christians can have a much more stimulating sex life than non-Christians. Non-Christians cannot join together in the spirit. They lack that extra dimension.The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting (see I Corinthians 7:5). God made men and women sexual beings. He made our nervous systems capable of receiving pleasure from the sex act. Sex in marriage is good and holy and ordained of God.
10. Are Inter-racial Dating And Marriage All Right? In the Old Testament, God told the people of Israel not to intermarry with the nations that surrounded them. The reason for this was not the color of the skin; it was the condition of the heart. These people were idol worshipers who engaged in all manner of filthy practices, sexual and otherwise, that would have corrupted Israel.This prohibition against the godly marrying the godless is still in effect today. God's children should not marry Satan's children. But this has nothing to do with the color of skin or country of origin. However, young people need to be aware of the unfortunate truth that prejudice still exists. There are people who take offense at a racially mixed couple. Children from such a marriage are often scorned by both racial communities. From a sociological standpoint, couples who enter into interracial marriages will face prejudice and rejection. There is nothing spiritual about it, but it is a fact of life. Since the pressures upon them can be enormous, a couple contemplating an interracial marriage must be absolutely sure of each other, their own motives, and especially God's will in the matter.
11. What Does The Bible Say About In the Old Testament, those who practiced these things were removed from the congregation of Israel by execution. We are told in the New Testament that those who practice homosexuality will not enter the Kingdom of God (see I Corinthians 6:9-10). The apostle Paul, in the book of Romans, indicates that homosexuality is the result of the final rebellion of people against God. He says that when people exchange the truth of God for a lie, and begin to worship the creature instead of the Creator, they are given up to evil. At a moment in society when values are turned upside down and moral anarchy appears, men burn with lust for other men and women burn for women, and they will receive in their own bodies the punishment for their actions (see Romans 1:22-27). From a biblical standpoint, the rise of homosexuality is a sign that a society is in the last stages of decay.
12. Should A Christian Divorce A Spouse In addition of heartache, given the known proclivity of homosexuals for multiple sex partners, the possibility of contracting venereal disease from a homosexual spouse is very high. But God is always redemptive. In this situation, I would advise the heterosexual spouse to use every means possible to get the mate delivered from homosexual bondage. Homosexuals can be set free and begin very satisfactory heterosexual relationships. They will never be delivered without love, understanding, and forgiveness. Very perceptive spiritual counselors are needed because many homosexual mates have so deceived themselves that they turn into remarkably convincing liars to cover up their conduct. Finally, if all else fails, divorce from a homosexual mate is both wise and proper. Children should not be subjected to that type of influence. Whatever happens, the husband or wife should not feel guilty--wondering, "How have I failed?" Let Jesus Christ give you a new start for your life.
13. Is Abortion Wrong? Abortion is definitely wrong. It is the taking of a human life. It is my feeling that abortion is tantamount to murder. We read in the psalms that God fashions us while we are in our mothers' wombs (see Psalms 139:13). We also read of a prophet named Jeremiah who was called by God before he was born (see Jeremiah 1:5). The apostle Paul believed that he was called to serve God from his mother's womb (see Galatians 1:15). We are told that John the Baptist leaped in his mother's womb when the voice of Mary, the mother of the Lord, was heard (see Luke 1:44). Obviously children in the womb have spiritual identity.From a biological standpoint, there is absolutely no basis for believing that human life begins at any time other than conception. From the moment of conception there is a progression of development that continues through adulthood. The flow of life never stops. It is a continuing process. Abortionists claim that a person becomes fully human at the moment of birth, but a five- or six-month fetus may be delivered by Caesarean section and have its life maintained outside the womb. Abortion is terribly wrong. God condemned the Israelites who were offering their children as sacrifices to the heathen god Molech. Such children were burned up in the fires of sacrifice (see Leviticus 20:2). But we are offering our children to a god of pleasure and sensuality and convenience. By doing so we are saying that human beings are not worth anything. This is a terrible sin and a blot on our society. The Bible is not more specific on the matter of abortion because such a practice would have been unthinkable to the people of God. For instance, when Israel was in Egypt, a cruel Pharaoh forced the Israelites to kill their newborn babies. In the Bible this was looked upon as the height of cruel oppression. The thought that the Hebrews would kill their own children would have been anathema to them. All through the Old Testament, women yearned for children. Children were considered a gift from God. Women prayed not to be barren. How could a righteous woman have turned against her own children to destroy them? Mother Teresa of Calcutta said she fears for America because the women of America are killing their own babies. She believes society is doomed when women become so heartless that they will kill their own young. Abortion is not only unthinkable, it is also the height of pagan barbarity. .
14. Does God Have A Perfect Mate For Everyone? Marriage is not for everyone, but for those who should be married, I believe God will lead you to the mate best suited to you, although possibly not a "perfect" mate. Here is why.Each person has a unique personality made up of hundreds--probably thousands--of intangible spiritual, mental, and environmental characteristics. Each person has a genetic code made up of millions of physical characteristics. To find a "perfect" mate would involve a special act of creation of another person by God with millions of characteristics, each of which would exactly complement your own characteristics. God does not form each human being by a special act of creation, but by natural biological processes. What God will do, however, if you ask Him, is lead you to the person who best complements your personality, background, and desires, and whose genetic makeup, when joined to yours, can produce offspring pleasing to God, to you and your spouse, and to your fellow man. Since the variables involved in this are mathematically staggering, it behooves us to seek God's infinite wisdom in the choice of our mates. The secret of knowing His leading is expressed in Proverbs 3:4-5. That does not mean people who are looking for a husband or wife should sit at home and wait for God to send someone to knock on their doors. It is certainly appropriate to ask God to lead you to various places where there are single people to meet, whether it is a social gathering at church, an educational opportunity, or some other place where there are people of like interests and beliefs. There are many places that provide opportunities to meet a prospective mate. God will bring us the right person if we will let Him. Remember only a mate who has Jesus Christ living within can ever be considered "perfect" or suitable for you. |
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